TO SCOTLAND FROM MUNICH - WE LAUGHED WE CRIED WE GOT PUMPED

An Open Letter to Scotland from Munich: We Laughed, We Cried, We Got  Pumped  

Dear Glasgow Eyes Readers,

Greetings from Munich! Or should I say, "Greetings from the land where our football dreams came to get a proper pumping"? Aye, lads and lassies, the mighty German football machine took us to school and gave a fitbaw lesson on Friday night, and it wasnae pretty. But let's not dwell on the past – let's have a good laugh at our misfortune and look ahead with a smile on our coupons.

Before the match, I had a wee glimmer of hope. I thought, "If we play out of our skins amd maybe threaten the ref with a chipping , maybe – just maybe – we could scrape a draw." Spoiler alert: we didnae. The Germans were on fire, and we were, well, more like a soggy undercooked Frankfurter . Toni Kroos was dancing around like he was pisshead  at a Bavarian beer festival, and their wingers? They were faster than a Glaswegian chasing the last kebab on a Saturday night before hitting the taxi rank at Queen Street.

Our game plan? It was like trying to cook haggis with an IKEA manual – confusing and ultimately disastrous. We started with a 5-4-1 formation, which quickly turned into "all hands on deck like the Titanic" as the Germans sliced through us like a hot chib going through margarine  . Poor Steve Clarke, our head coach, looked like he needed a line of marching powder after the first ten minutes.

And let's not even talk about Ryan Porteous. That tackle on  Gundogan? It was like watching someone trying to do the Highland fling while wearing roller skates  crazed out his box on MDMA. I think even he knew it was a shocker, and he'll probably be sending Gundogan a heartfelt apology letter along with a box of Tunnock's Tea Cakes. "Sorry for nearly taking your leg off, mate. Have a cake."

But here's the thing, dear readers: we cannae sit around crying into our Irn-Bru Xtras. Friday's result is gone, done, dusted. As footballers, we learn to brush off defeats – and trust me, I've had my fair share. I once played in 5 aside game  10-1 drubbing by a team fae Pollok, and let me tell you, that stung worse than a midgie bite on a summer's evening at the Hogganfield Loch

Now, it's all about the next game. We face the Swiss next, and we need to come out swinging. If we show the same grit and determination that got us some great scalping's like Spain and Norway , we've got a fighting chance. And let's not forget the real heroes of the night – the Scotland fans. You brave souls stuck it out, even when it was clear we were getting pumped all over the globe. Your spirit is what makes this team sometimes good.

So, as we gear up for Cologne, let's remember – it's not about falling down, it's about getting back up and giving it another go and getting pished again. The players know they owe you, the fans, a proper performance. And who knows? Maybe we'll turn it around, and I'll be writing to you next week about our glorious victory over the Swiss.

Until then, keep the faith, stay positive, and maybe avoid any social media posts for a few days. Trust me, your blood pressure will thank you.

Yours in hope and humour,

Big Mad Andy, A Scottish Fan in Munich.

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